Sunday, November 05, 2006
iv'e been so broke latley, going entire weeks without spending money on anything almost.
its hard. but not as hard as i expected
we found an apartment. still need to sign the lease sometime this week, the landlord claims the stove needs to be cleaned. but it's an awesome location. and everyone is happy with it.
deedee's parents are giving us a shit load of stuff.
i should be so excited about this , but i feel so emotionally drained latley. and dizzy a lot.
i am scared, about so many differant things that might happen. (but i will try my best to make the best and hope nothing bad happens) and i really want to try to get into the post office in saginaw. but i don't want to try ..and ruin my chances with living here in bay city. i really miss school too, i really want to get into college, but i still have to wait it out a little bit longer.
this life thing sucks very much.
i finally watched the L word season 3 disk 1 last night with deedee. it was disappointing.
and it only made me think more and more on how i want to feel desired again.
maybe i shouldn't of said that. but i need a true spark sometime soon. or else im gonna make myself fat again. really really fuckin fat i say. and i wont care anymore. and i will just beat the shit out of my face. i will.
no more drugs.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/ref=yourlists_pop_1/102-4392653-6398517
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 7:53 PM
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Friday, October 13, 2006
im having a serious nose bleed. my mouth tastes like blood.
this has never happened before. i don't enjoy it.
deedee has been badly sick the past few days, probably the most sick i have ever seen her. i feel bad for her.
her and brad and I are soon to move into a place together. so the plan is spoken about.
i got 50 hours this past week.
oh and i know what i want for christmas already, besides the the nice sheets deedee's not getting me.
galaxy express 999 on DVD dubbed in english.
or even vhs though i can't find it cheaper than 70 dollars.
matter of factly i looked all over the internet and could only find about 2 for purchasing.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:43 PM
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
i suppose you've decided you're not gonna reply back to my emails too now.
paul got a fuckin koi tattoo, oh and kendra got one awhile ago.
they're sweet though, why wouldn't they be
deedee got hired somewhere, and go ta call for an interview the same day, yesterday
i have 340 left to pay in fines.
i have 5 bucks for the rest of the week,
there is nothing to eat at my house.
iv'e been depending on eating at work and fast food and it's getting me fat.
my mom told me to find another place to live.
i let one of my infected piercings close up, i think ill let the other one close as well.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 8:47 AM
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Wednesday, August 02, 2006
drama drama drama
i miss no one.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 10:39 AM
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Saturday, July 22, 2006
Today God's mercy is mine.
i am under his mercy.
i am under no mercy of his, it is only my own.
this is my mercy, mercy is mine.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:39 AM
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Thursday, July 20, 2006
work has been crazy latley.
the other day cheryle (deedee's mom)helped me learn some things about my sewing machine. im excited to start a project, though im so strapped on cash, and i just bought a bunch of painting supplies. i need some stretch canvas, wood, and i need to develop some rolls of film.
i need to get two meetings in by the end of this week. i misconstrued my judgement, they set up my exit interview anyhow.
i need money.
it's impossible to save anything with my job.
i need a miracle. or forest gump.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:24 AM
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Saturday, July 15, 2006
whateva.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:51 PM
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iv'e been wanting to write anything for awhile now.
i just woke up a bit ago. deedee and i slept in her parents bed last night. it was quite comfortable. i wanted to read the paper this morning, as usual, no one had brought it in so i went to the mail box and paper box and as i had already reached my hand inside noticed a rather large beehive and the bee's just stopped working and stared at me. i backed my hand out and for a minute contemplated how and if i really wanted to get the paper out. well that didnt matter they were already pissed at me, so i jetted back inside.
the other night i bought two fifths (no one else had money) and lacey, dee and me stayed at brads house. i didn't drink any, and i didnt sleep...
I tried sleeping in the morning around 9, but it was too hot. everyone else went to bed within 1 and a half hours. that was an awfully depressing night. iv'e been trying to catch up on my sleep since then...i finally did and so last night i drank a few shots; Dee and I chit chatted and played a game of chess &......she kicked my ass.
this year has been very strange so far. i dont know why i say strange or even think that. the events that have come out of it have nevertheless been unexpected, yet im still unaccustomed to their reasons, but i have no curiosity for dwelling on any remedies. i know i just need to let it be.
as a human i understand that i am powerless over people places and things.
that shouldn't just oblige to being an addict. as from common literature from NA.
for me it is morally true.
and even though you don't have control over this doesn't mean you can't say fuck it or fuck you.
in life. people walk away all the time.
and for a certain somebody who insists she doesnt intend to offend. me.
there are certain honorable steps one COULD allow themselves to take to permit one's time to feel less abused.
if we can make time for you, why cant you make time for us?
how was your trip to mt. pleasant?
streakzinthesky@yahoo.com
Yesterday was beautiful
when your voice crawled into my ears
and you sung me that throat song chorus
of i love you.
i love you back.
we bend then combust
for each other.
living in cactust soil
i trust your oils.
sweet, nourishing.
bubbled puddle. pouring your bath.
paranoid on the porch.
tell her to relax.
it's ironic, tell her to laugh.
semi-sober, semi-evolved. i am with you.
im involved.
semi-surreal- you make me feel real.
i am in you.im in love.
sometimes i feel to hurt. that i love you.
too hurt, how could you hurt?
love is dangerous.
at least this is lovely,
honest pain
making me cry.
and you are loving.
making me smile.
"ithinkisecretlywantyouraw"- 2004.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:18 AM
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