Saturday, January 15, 2005
my feelings dont deserve paper
i want her to know im not a faker
but my face just doesn't express it
i look to my left and see him writing my name
in his little blue book, with spit
whatever is out there for me, i dont deserve it
melody, anxiety
harmony, fear
beautiful, cancer
pretty. clear. tension. surrounds
shes falling out of love.
she comes to me bearing pain
expecting smiles. and flower chains
she shows no sorrow around me; around him
but alone it's more dim
i smile, and i want to cry
cause the moment reminds me
how i had you. all mine.
then you bring him up. and i imagine
the sounds you engage, while im full of
rage. and it's something like soft moans
and a tongue, swiping, your graceful screen.
and the promises scream at me
how many weeks has it been
i want to know but i haven't
been seeming to keep up
in any substantial way
i still feel like im dreaming
a not so nice to me, dream.
or i died that dreaded month ago.
and my ghost's drifting on.
i want to pretend he's never touched
your body like that,
everytime i see it, my eyes shatter
and i am drained of spring.
and the thoughts of hope sting.
but i dont think she's going to stop
anytime soon.
i don't expect it. i can't. i couldn't.
what will it take of me. though
wake up. wake up.
whisper softly to me.
"youre the only one."
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 2:31 PM
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