Saturday, April 22, 2006
being awoken by a bee trying to get into the window is awesome. especially 0n a morning you dont have anything you need to wake up for. i havent posted anything new in forever. i don't even have anything to say to any of you. photobucket deleted the backround picture i had up. but luckily left a bunch of them too. i dont understand that. so i picked this one so i wouldnt have to change my font color or anything else right now with it looking stupid.
i didn't do anything on 4 20. i want to cut my hair again. it needs to be more versatile. but i dont know how i'll manage with what it's already been through.
i'm going to post some poems i think. rather hypercritical like usual..so i'll go on.
....................................
coins and clocks and belts
domination and determination
my eyes lacked to explain to her how i felt
i want to have sex with you
how much?
if i say a lot are we gonna screw?
i misunderstood, sorry; and i hand over a twenty.
then she's angry at the buttons on my blouse.
but i don't want to be exposed.
i just want to make love on her, shouty moans.
her pants are above knee line, and she says good luck
smack her ass, and they're off in a flash
but then she removes my belt and whips my back
then our hands meet in the clash
as i try to get my belt back. she throws it far.
why chase it when i can choke her instead.
while she bites me, i brief to stop her.
i still haven't felt her. but she begins to cry.
and i'm sorry now. and she states she's guilty
but i dont blame her. factfully i'm not anyone.
my heart stops to slow as she bursts in retaliation.
but it still doesnt feel like love
maybe i forgot my other name.
3-2-06
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wholesome dreams , robust and undying
though dreary of a girl addicting
in I repent...these under repetitive flix...
out to release; in gasps , i'm always pushing in horror
as if raising my hand to a glass tank.
where I cant breathe and because of that I cant get out.
where this noise that's solid like a weight
pierces my tympanum
where finally I arrive and awake in a collected
pile of cold sweat and nakedness
where she is not where
I am
where I feel without her desolate.
Oppressed and devoured in defeat of
her consuming face. luminating pure
in a mocking tone.
unable to smile with it dragging on
distracting all day activities
I repeatedly ask myself
Why can't you be in my life?
anxiety thrusts and
I tear through the fog with my sinews.
you are just a ghost
and i know you laugh at me
II. These Nightmares Dont Forget Me
I was last with her when
it had begun to show as Winter.
There we are. I break up the coke, then
I'm standing outside her home, laughing
with flakes dropping and surrounding us to
posture a crystalline mass among our cities.
The air cracks. I wish it were summer again.
and as the seasons reoccured
Iv'e continued flicking down my cigarette.
while I know I'm not innocent.
staying a grace on my face.I want her to see.
I look through a window. sadly she sits
still, blank, alone.
I open the entrance door and order.
Her head rises; eyes glare.
"Have you not any heart?"
"Glamour?" I reply.
Moments I am awake. I am not!
"Do you want me to sign something?"
My stomachs tugging me, and she doesnt like me anymore.
I guess the seasons run around in circles
like she reoccurs to visit when my eyes are shut.
I know she's weakened and I am guilt to the brim.
so I ended up shopping more and I am ashamed
for thinking she would stay alive.
I think I will have to take her back to spring
where echoed images stun a person somewhat less
when pretty things bloom. Sour'r than dandelions.
In space, where's time? for interaction
She's shown me her mouth, bones, nails,
rythym, smell, scars, hair.
cussing, she showed me I am a haunting portrait
to forget, if she ever had another affair.
3-3-06
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it's been a very long time
leave me a comment if you were here.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 6:57 AM
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