Tuesday, May 23, 2006
8-28-05
fishbowl brains absorbed within lime sparkling drink
grim accusations fluttering in the cotton
of my heroin dream
home a lone, all day gone.
too expensive to expand anyone to notice
my light heart. you think there's more
to my convict part.
i dread the sound of happy laughter,
wrapped naked in stitches
and plastic.
you take every breath for yourself, all frames collapses.
her darkness painted battery.
with the freckled arched horse standing beyond
my dependent shadows, grazing in the humid filth
of depressive precious fantasy.
He'll never soak his blood back in.
8-31-05
His lureing promises jerked my eyes to look inside.
I liked the way he grabbed my ass,
with both hands and pulled me forward, to fit on him.
I couldnt fit with him.
undoing my zip and running his hands up my
shirt, sliding it off...fucked over clothes
THEN WORSE
with them off.
the whole time, i was fucking the world. and thinking about
this hurting her, hoping it might not hurt me.
"this both is the best fuck ever" i thought " fuck her!"
and then i said it aloud.
out loud. heart pumping- his shut off;
sweating, eyes shut.body on boy.
Tears welling to fog myself.
from him or anyone
understanding this.
and then my head drops
because i cant find myself ever being
able to look forward again
in your faces
or in faith for a future.
9-1-05
buttermilk biscuit
zip those lips
F.Y.I
I'd like to keep being high.
hopefully someday
I'll like what I see
But your shadows of my pain
continue coming back to me.
9-5-05
i smoke my cigarette because it's something to pay attention to. EverywhereI look I see a mirror, the world's full of them. And everytime i talk someone's talking on the phone. I could pay more attention to you if I could just write you a letter on occasion, but I just haven't gotten time to. Sometimes people realize my personality and it's flaws. I never said I was gonna be who you wanted me to be. Time hasn't flew in forever. And she never never asks what I want. Rapture is heaven's great deal. Maybe we can please make more sense tomorrow."
9-5-05
I see lies, I dont know why, perhaps possibilities are crying for me. There's two desperate girls and neither have walked to my side. I see now it's in my blind. I'll never realize. If only I could make believe. Trust could return again. It hurts when you're honest. Rain blows on my face, it's chilly out. We let the mist bring us together, And that's what created our rainbows. If you're too honest It'll hurt me. Eventually.
9-5-05
I don't want you
you to remember
the ugly
things about me
why cant I be new?
exactly when iv'e figured it out
Iv'e figured out what
I need, right now, I suffer
how you had. And now it'ts not right.
Its not time.
You make me feel shorter.
you engage in me ease.
you extend more comfort, feel in me content
more cleaner, and closer to peaceful, but now
now i can lose you.
all to what you want.
again.
to what you want
I just know you'll get lost.
I want to be alone and tell you. At least
what i do know. And then ill need to feel safe then
not think im waiting for the snow.
I mean it
this time, it just took a little crime
and i want to suffer for this one.
this only one.
to what you want I'll lose.
when the earth went around
a cricket stopped chirping.
my purpose is wrote on a clock.
and of this petrifying drink
I know she'll never care what I have to think
It makes her aware I am foul grade D
or just degraded self esteem.
Do I want to be her Reflection
Expensive and Perfectly jeweled.
When Im staring at her
I'm thinking what she does.
Her sexual status Advance.
And I bleed onto my underwear.
I can't keep arguing about who's more eager.
I slave for one touch
Simply it remains
In forgetful depth.
No one's paying attention
why won't you touche' me
In between a war
a cookie without
any fortune.
for the better I do not move.
Don't let the coldest eyes
Let you fall.
Extentuate me as a pyramid.
or something as Big as my heart.
1-24-06
Having an H ache
I'm bandaging it
and us.
my blood isn't drifting
to Need,
Anyone who takes this
will consume greed.
and feelers fatal.
to all humans trying
to reach a consumption about you.
You'll never forget
and those who know
will never afford your time.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:49 AM
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