Saturday, July 15, 2006
iv'e been wanting to write anything for awhile now.
i just woke up a bit ago. deedee and i slept in her parents bed last night. it was quite comfortable. i wanted to read the paper this morning, as usual, no one had brought it in so i went to the mail box and paper box and as i had already reached my hand inside noticed a rather large beehive and the bee's just stopped working and stared at me. i backed my hand out and for a minute contemplated how and if i really wanted to get the paper out. well that didnt matter they were already pissed at me, so i jetted back inside.
the other night i bought two fifths (no one else had money) and lacey, dee and me stayed at brads house. i didn't drink any, and i didnt sleep...
I tried sleeping in the morning around 9, but it was too hot. everyone else went to bed within 1 and a half hours. that was an awfully depressing night. iv'e been trying to catch up on my sleep since then...i finally did and so last night i drank a few shots; Dee and I chit chatted and played a game of chess &......she kicked my ass.
this year has been very strange so far. i dont know why i say strange or even think that. the events that have come out of it have nevertheless been unexpected, yet im still unaccustomed to their reasons, but i have no curiosity for dwelling on any remedies. i know i just need to let it be.
as a human i understand that i am powerless over people places and things.
that shouldn't just oblige to being an addict. as from common literature from NA.
for me it is morally true.
and even though you don't have control over this doesn't mean you can't say fuck it or fuck you.
in life. people walk away all the time.
and for a certain somebody who insists she doesnt intend to offend. me.
there are certain honorable steps one COULD allow themselves to take to permit one's time to feel less abused.
if we can make time for you, why cant you make time for us?
how was your trip to mt. pleasant?
streakzinthesky@yahoo.com
Yesterday was beautiful
when your voice crawled into my ears
and you sung me that throat song chorus
of i love you.
i love you back.
we bend then combust
for each other.
living in cactust soil
i trust your oils.
sweet, nourishing.
bubbled puddle. pouring your bath.
paranoid on the porch.
tell her to relax.
it's ironic, tell her to laugh.
semi-sober, semi-evolved. i am with you.
im involved.
semi-surreal- you make me feel real.
i am in you.im in love.
sometimes i feel to hurt. that i love you.
too hurt, how could you hurt?
love is dangerous.
at least this is lovely,
honest pain
making me cry.
and you are loving.
making me smile.
"ithinkisecretlywantyouraw"- 2004.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 9:18 AM
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