Tuesday, February 01, 2005
he starves for attention
damns the stars and shakes
his fist. at me his eyes
jerk. teers anticipate, as he tears at
skin. i'm the rim, on the third wheel
silent in the back seat. watching
we keep emotions in front.
but words,
dont have a place.
and razors stay.
digging head and heart
he became a part
and we're both jealous for this sweet tart
i couldn't control any of it", clenching up
there's nothing i can do about it
he stole a very significant deal of myself
but it was a good reason
she left the love of her life for him
in our most sweetest season
when we met, it was the warmest winter
i kept, in all my life. I picked up a knife..
when you took her / I was freezing, like an ice cube
dry - i dwelled, and dwelled
and melted myself in the microwave.
burned my scars and skin in the hottest waters,
to feel. I got sick and i got thinner,
I missed christmas and denied everything
appreciating nothing but pain, its what i learned
for days and days. time was a stable tower
that wouldn't fall down. and i couldn't stand on.
It just waited and waited with infinite
patience, for me to stop it. And i tried,
several times. And he was not there.
And neither were you.And all of us
was nothing to me. He didn't call. He just
took her into his arms. And calmed.
the broken heart(s). I fucked up.
and I wondered why
all the time
But I just knew.
I feel like people are laughing at me. I wouldnt blame,
they have a lot to laugh about. I am a bucket of lard
I am so ugly. And her, my eyes, this is faint. I
wonder if she ever wants to even touch me again.
How could anyone depend. On all but the ruined
penny I'm worth. And the jaded spine that doesn't
reach my voice. I want to say a countless amount
of things I don't know how to say. This fortress
bombed. Nothing I will do, will ever be the right thing.
I might do things O.K. But will, isn't as strong
as wishes are. And the best, is the rest
I wont, cant, but want to give. What do you do?
-when you find it all. There's infinite worlds. and heaps
of girls. And boys also. What.could.ever.make.me.adored.
How i adore the girl i find has most astonishing character. I
still am scared of later. But I anticipate the hand you want
to let me hold on.
restricted slut machine
excuse me, the mirror explains everything
open mouth
orange eyes
anything could be a goodbye.
i bet anyone could be a target
the way you want to change people.
and you believe you know her so well.
who is deprived. who invades your pride.
anyone could be a target these days.
anyone can take her a way.
and you know though
you probably couldn't handle
another barbed wire strangle
you'd rather have her get her way
any
way
love is in 4 eyes.
a pair that tries
the most passionable, restful, worry-less
pleasured.
with windows and electricity
combination of souls maintain natural toxicity
and my head will stop hurting
if anyone wants to kill me for free, be my guest
all these drugs are numbing my friends.
i want to say fuck you to myself and all of them
is it just me or does everything seem superficial
right now? Now, if i just didn't have any kind
of a memory, i would be fully content. Tag,
Safe, Safe, Safe. Holding me, I just want her to
be. loving me, never be cheap. with the
beginning of an end. I cherish how she smothers
me in her perfume. Ribbon's at dusk.
I feel guily for taking you for granted.
i know I'm a little jaded,i was born
slanted. I stole something from you, and in
the time i had, i gave you what I could for
it. I'm sorry, i knew it wasn't anything
i could control from the beginning. I just
wanted us to feel fine.
i wanted you to be mine.
greedy with nothing. left to
waste in a timeless bittersweet
nightmare.
waste in my own bloody pity
in the hhaauunnttting
so sorry to give up now.
but we're nothing what
we need for each other.
A lie and a farce and a fake;
x 10:07 PM
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